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Women don’t say what they want

December 13, 2004

I met a girl a few days ago, and we seemed to get along. She had just moved into the neighbourhood, and I liked her. We only spoke for around 15
minutes, but she gave me her number and we made a tentative agreement to meet on the beach that afternoon. I phoned her later, she agreed to come, then didn’t pitch up. She sent a text saying something had come up.
Fine. Maybe it was a brush off, but why had she given me her number in the first place? But I decided to take her explanation at face value.
Next day, some friends in the area were doing something low key but social – meeting for drinks and a snack at a local spot – so I decided to phone and invite her. If I was new to an area I would want to feel included as soon as possible.
She didn’t answer, and I left a message. I didn’t hear back from her, and found out later she has a boyfriend, felt uncomfortable and was screening the call, using the most efficient way to avoid complications. I found this out from some one else – she never contacted me again.
OK, so I’m not dumb. I intuited that the beach raincheck meant I could contact her again, but that by some mysterious chick alchemy, the next day was too soon. But I’m not interested in playing silly buggers. I know that as a tuned-in naughties man, I should be able to figure out that it’ll only be OK to phone her after the first full moon in Scorpio, but I don’t have
the patience for that kind of crap.
Why not just tell me she has a boyfriend? So what – I have a girlfriend. That doesn’t mean I avoid meeting new people. Bring the boyfriend if he’s keen, leave him if he’s not. If I liked her, I’d probably like him. I wasn’t trying to pick her up, just getting to know a new face. Two phone calls
doesn’t make me a stalker.
This isn’t an isolated incident, and I’m not alone in this. My experience of women is that they have extreme difficulty in talking openly about what they want.Hot and cold, mixed messages – can’t we just have some honesty?
My best friend met a girl in a bar last month, after being introduced by a mutual acquaintance. They hit it off, and exchanged numbers. She made a point of telling him to call. The next day being Saturday, he sent a message asking if she felt like doing something. He got a message back, apropos of nothing, saying “you are all alike”. We are all alike what? All social? All
friendly? All stalkers?
After a week or so they sorted out the miscommunication, she agreed to meet
him for drinks – and didn’t pitch. What’s the problem? Are you interested or
not? Make up your mind and tell us.
OK, we know: The next day is too soon for women. But women need to understand that men communicate differently. If we meet some one and like them, male or female, they’ll be on our minds for the next few days. If we want to see them, we’ll make contact. If the answer is no, no problem. Maybe next time. And we won’t take a hint – not because we’re too dumb, but
because we refuse to. If you really don’t want to ever hear from us again, tell us – don’t say ‘maybe next week’. To us, ‘maybe next week’ means maybe next week.
Woman complain that men are poor communicators. Man, I don’t know. Try to get a straight answer out of a woman.

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